Irreversible personal changes

All characters are fictional. Any coincidence of names and events is accidental.

"Cease to serve the goddess of purity.

The virgin's veil is pitiful and plain.

It does not suit you. Remove it."

***

William Shakespeare.

There is a way out of every negative life situation. So say experts in the field of sociology. I, however, found myself in a situation from which there was no way out. At least, that's how it seemed to me. I was to blame for everything. And there was no one else to blame.

Family ties. And what are they like at the very beginning of that very family life? Well, after all the honeymoons,

congratulations, wedding trips and such. When the euphoria from changes in personal life passes and the ordinary weekdays of an average young family begin. I understand when children appear. Then responsibility for them appears. But if they are not yet here. They are still only in the project. I didn't even last six months with mine. I cheated. And he turned out to be very jealous. And fastidious. My transgression was vile and low. But the fact remains. And I never even thought that such a thing would happen to me.

In short, my husband accidentally caught me in passionate, loving embraces. In whose? In a girl's! Yes, yes! With my classmate, who dragged me into my own bed. Shame and disgrace. It all happened on the initiative of my friend, which I never expected from her. One fine day she showed up at my house so I could help her figure out exam problems in chemistry. Because our teaching assistant assigned me to mentor her so she wouldn't fail the exam again. Well, at first there were these problems, and I diligently explained the solution methods to her. Her knowledge was extremely neglected, and she didn't understand a damn thing. Like a broken record, she kept saying she didn't understand shit, and I started to lose patience.

— Tanya, here you raise to a power, and here you have to plot the relationship.

— Yes, it's so difficult.

— What is the main property of all acids? What do they contain in their composition? — I tried to prompt her from the basics.

— What?

— Nothing, emptiness — I tapped her on the head — you're a fucking Pinocchio. Killing you is not enough. And I'm a naive fool.

— Why?

— Because I agreed to hammer it into your head. Okay, that's it, break time.

— Don't be offended, I'll try.

— Really?

We drank coffee and talked. And then she said that some guy invited her to a party, but she didn't know how to kiss properly.

— Do you kiss your husband often? — she asked.

— Yes, why.

— Show me how it's done right, or explain. Otherwise, I'll look like a fool and he'll dump me.

I was embarrassed. Explain? Show? Why not. And I showed her. I showed her so well that I didn't notice how I was already kissing her in her embrace, and she, without stopping, was caressing my nipple. I was instantly swept up in a whirlwind of treacherous excitement, and I realized too late that I had fallen into a cleverly set trap. Tanya's fingers were already fully in charge between my legs and had penetrated deep. So deep, where I couldn't even reach with my own hand during masturbation, and were gently pressing on that spot which caused surges of bliss in me so powerful that I leaned forward, impaling myself even deeper. I moaned passionately, and she looked at me and smiled greedily. From her brazen look, I got even more aroused for some reason and, losing my head, now climbed to her with kisses myself.

And Tanya methodically responded, penetrating me deeply with her hands and tongue. I was breathing heavily, offering myself to her soft, sweat-and-my-juices-moistened palms, and a lewd smile didn't leave her face. She shoved her fingers into her own vagina, then into my mouth, and I licked them with pleasure, already kneeling before her. Her hands were everywhere and brazenly groped me all over. To my shame, I liked it and I passionately asked for more. I thanked her warmly and confessed my love to her, and she chuckled contentedly. Bitch. The next moment we were already on the couch, and she was pulling off my jeans. I didn't even think of resisting and at that moment I absolutely didn't care about any consequences. My husband walked into the room, as luck would have it, right on time.

When Tanya was fully caressing my spread-open pussy with three fingers at once, and helping herself with her tongue. I was moaning and arching. I pressed her hands to me and stroked her neck, throwing my legs over her shoulders. As they say — a picture perfect. Seeing his surprised face and meeting his gaze, I suddenly got even more aroused. A moment later I came passionately. A deep moan shook the walls, and he suddenly gave me such a sidelong, contemptuous look. His face reflected a vivid grimace of disgust, after which he spat. Then he said he was disgusted, what a fool he was to get involved with me. That I was a cold herring that he couldn't properly stir up, and then this. And most importantly, with whom! Perhaps he was right.

Tanya immediately came to her senses, slipped past him, and ran out of the apartment, slamming the door loudly. He left too and never showed up again. I felt ashamed and was ready to sink through the floor. She fucked me right in front of my husband and he saw my mind-blowing orgasm. Tanya cleverly seduced me, but whether to give in or not was up to me. And I gave in easily and didn't think about the consequences. The next day his mother showed up, called me a slut, a bitch, a pervert, a creature, and filth. She took all his things from my house and spat at the end too.

Well, and then there was the divorce process, with all his relatives looking at me with undisguised contempt. And my husband even told me to my face that now was the time to shit myself. I had to answer questions after which I frankly didn't want to live. And Tanya, she later tried to get close to me again, but I decisively cut off all ties with her. The department assistant scolded me, but I suggested she tutor this Tanya herself. It's quite possible that during this tutoring, she would get unforgettable, fantastic orgasms. And by the time Tanya learns chemistry, the tutor would master the Kama Sutra perfectly. And I have enough shame for the next 18 years anyway. Not only did I ruin my family life, I also ate my fill of such shit along the way that I just wanted to kill myself.

I was ashamed to go outside, let alone attend classes. However, my hubby turned out to be quite something. A real champ. Apparently, deciding to finish me off completely, he and his mother pursued me until they took all the wedding gifts, rings and chains, as well as three laptops purchased during our life together, and the loans for which, of course, were hanging on me. Let them choke on them. They didn't covet the ancient Opel Omega. Well, if that's what happened, then better sooner than later — I reasoned and continued to live on. Of course, rumors about me spread (thanks to my ex's mom), and no more marriage proposals came my way from the stronger sex.

To top it all off, the already approved application for graduate school was rejected by the academic council. Due to my moral low fall. And I seriously thought about moving away from here to some swampy backwater in the very near future, raising some laying hens there, and burying my hopes forever, becoming an ordinary school teacher of inorganic chemistry.

…Sometimes there's a feeling that someone is constantly watching you. It happens, right? Well, it does to me. I'm walking down the street, and suddenly I literally feel someone's intense gaze on me. I turn around. Seems like no one is looking at me. There's an old woman standing there trying to haggle down the price of tomatoes at a street vendor's stall. Some guy is talking loudly on the phone and gesturing. He's clearly busy and not even looking in my direction.

A girl just walked by. Clearly in a hurry somewhere. Most likely, I imagined it. I walked to the parking lot and approached my car. Rummaging in my bag, I found the keys and unlocked the doors. And then again the same feeling. Like someone is looking at my back. I turned around sharply. No one. No, there is one girl looking at the store window. The one who passed me a few minutes earlier. Or is it not her? Maybe I just imagined it? I pressed the lock button again and slowly walked away from the parking lot. Walking down the street, I gradually quickened my pace, and suddenly turned the corner of a building. Pressing against the wall, I held my breath. The sound of heels was heard, the girl turned the corner and bumped into me.

— Oops — she exclaimed in surprise and stopped dead in her tracks.

— Who are you? What do you want? Why are you following me? — I asked these questions and brought my face closer to hers, not letting her recover.

— I'm not following. You imagined it — she backed away and wanted to slip away.

— Don't lie — I grabbed her by the arm — how long have you been following me, what do you want.

— You imagined it — she stubbornly replied and looked away.

— Okay, as you wish, you don't have to say, but if I notice you again, don't be offended — I let her go.

— And what will you do to me?

— It will be bad.

— Sorry — and she walked away.

I looked in her direction. Some kind of nutcase. But she wants something from me. What does she want? To hell with her. I headed back to the parking lot. Turning the car around and driving out of the parking lot, I saw her again in the rearview mirror, and she was watching me leave. What a sticky pest. All sorts of bad thoughts are now creeping into my head. I'm being watched, followed. But who needs me? Whose path did I cross? Did my ex hire someone? Thinks he didn't trample me enough? But if they were professionals, I wouldn't have noticed at all. Who needs me? An ordinary student. And now poor, to boot. The car? It's a hundred years old at lunch. It's been begging for the scrap heap for a long time.

A few days passed and no one pursued me. I forgot about this incident and gradually calmed down. As usual, after sitting through classes, I left the academic building and headed to the parking lot. Already in the parking lot, as I was getting into the car, I saw her again. Her again. How did she find out where I study? She didn't fly after me through the air. Ah, now I get it. A cream-colored Porsche Cayenne. Could it be hers? That car was driving behind me this morning and didn't overtake. I got behind the wheel but didn't start the car. I saw her heading my way. Okay, let's talk. I opened the door. And she came over and just sat down next to me so casually. Just like an old acquaintance.

— I wanted to apologize — she said in a confident tone, slamming the door.

— That's clear. What next.

— Actually, not yet. So what does it have to do with me? What do you want?

— I, actually, sorry, rumors are going around about you, that you, you know, were with a girl.

— Thanks for enlightening me, thank you so much. I know that without you. That's it? Now get out.

— Wait, I'm not just, well, about that. I, I want the same with you.

— What?

— No one will find out. Everything will be secret. At my place. I have a separate house in the Field of Miracles. And I have money. I'll pay, if you want. And as much as you want. Want me to grind that Tanya into powder? So she doesn't wag her tongue where she shouldn't. Oops, I'm saying all the wrong things.

Now everything became clear. This person was openly offering me lesbian love. And even offering to buy that love from me. How low I had fallen. Might as well hang a red lantern on the door. Not enough guys for her, now she wants some exotic. Wants to fuck a girl. Didn't approach others. Approached me. And has stupid money to burn. Yeah, I need to get out of here. Finish my studies and get out. Not much left. Need to hold on.

— If you don't get out right now, I'll throw you out of the car. Get out.

— I didn't mean to say it like that. Wait, don't rush, think about it, I'm not rushing you.

— If you're itching for girls, then social networks are there to help. Get out of here.

— You don't understand, I don't need others…

— Do you want me to throw you out? — and I leaned towards her and opened the door.

The girl suddenly leaned forward and quickly pressed her lips to mine. The kiss lasted only a fraction of a second. The next moment she was already outside.

— Oh, you crazy bitch.

— Just think about it — she said, licking her lips — I'm begging you.

And she ran away. I saw her get into her luxurious Porsche and drive off. I sat and watched until her car disappeared around the corner. I was about to leave too, when a melody started playing from under the seat on the floor. I bent down and picked up an expensive, large smartphone, the size of a tablet. My photo was on the screensaver, where I'm standing on the street, and I swiped the screen. She was calling and said just two words. "Please, think…". Oh, you shameless wretch. She secretly slipped it under the seat and was now calling me. Nevertheless, the phone cost a decent amount of money and should be returned to its owner. Tossing it into my bag, I drove home. At home in the evening, I remembered it and took it out of my purse. Just as I thought. Very expensive, with the logo of a bitten apple and not Chinese. The real deal. Only one number was saved in it. Her number.

What brazen self-confidence. She thinks I'll rush to call right away. As if. I've had enough of one scandal. Opening the gallery, I found many photos of this girl in frankly indecent poses. With her hair down, she posed completely naked in front of the camera, showing off her charms. The only clothing left on her were stockings and stiletto heels. Each photo was accompanied by comments confessing love to me. She didn't hide her name, and it was Tamara. There was also a video file, which I hesitated to open for a long time. Finally, curiosity won out. Naturally, it was her. However, in the video she was dressed modestly and even solemnly, with neatly styled hair. She was sitting at a table and thoughtfully looking out the window. Then she turned her face to the camera. Looking at the scribbled sheet of paper in front of her, she crumpled it and threw it somewhere to the side.

— Inna — she said quite seriously — I prepared a whole speech for you here. I'm a fool. Sorry. I won't read this. I just don't know how to confess to you. I said a bunch of trash to you. I'm not like that depraved Tanya. And I took my photos only for you, not for public viewing. You can even disgrace me. I want you to know. I don't need anyone from social networks, as you say. I need you, and no one else. I understand you. You're having a hard time now. But I want to help. I'm not like that Tanya. And I like you. If you don't call, I'll understand. I'll try to forget. I'll wait for your call. I won't sleep. Forgive me if something's wrong. And keep the phone. I'll be very pleased if you have a memory of me.

At the very end of the video, she blew me