Our service is both dangerous and difficult.

Senior Lieutenant Sidorov had stood out for his sharp mind and quick wit even back in police school. For this, he was highly valued by his superiors. As a free bonus to his high professional qualities came his striking appearance of a pronounced Roman type. Combined with broad shoulders, lieutenant's shoulder boards, and a polished badge, Senior Lieutenant Sidorov made a completely devastating impression on the opposite sex. He did not hesitate to shamelessly take advantage of this. And now, Andryusha Sidorov, just off duty, was sitting in a familiar dive called "At Ashot's" and sipping fresh beer. The police uniform didn't bother the owner, the patrons, or the wearer

himself. But it utterly captivated the young girl at the next table. Quietly clearing his throat to himself, Andrey decided the evening was a success. He smiled broadly and prepared to strike the girl at the next table with his most devastating compliment: "You have amazing eyes." But before he could utter a word, the girl blurted out:

— And I am completely free. "Good move," the lieutenant assessed her maneuver.

— So, no need to waste time on courtship." The beauty deftly grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the exit. Without stopping her chatter, she shoved him into the front seat of her car and took off at breakneck speed down the darkening streets. No one had ever pursued the policeman with such enviable persistence. It turned out to be unexpectedly pleasant, enticingly intriguing, and extremely exciting. The senior lieutenant relaxed and fully immersed himself in the enchanting chatter of his chance acquaintance.

— My name is Lena," she mentioned in passing, already jangling keys at the front door. — Senior Lieutenant Sidorov," his companion introduced himself out of habit.

— How sweet," the girl blushed deliberately, — and so... manly.

Inside the apartment, Andrey looked around professionally, his keen eye of a born cop picking out men's clothes on the hanger and men's shoes on the shelf. "Married," he determined instantly. "No problem. Not the first time." The senior lieutenant had several instances of hiding in closets and flights from balconies under his belt. A practiced and simple matter. The main thing is to tuck and roll properly on the way down. On the way to the bedroom, where the lieutenant was being gently nudged, Sidorov, with a practiced eye, assessed the apartment's layout. The absence of a balcony door within direct sight was disheartening. The third floor evoked not the most pleasant feelings, but the soft snowdrifts under the windows were reassuring. But... the sought-after balcony was discovered in the semi-darkness of the bedroom, and Sidorov sighed with relief: "We'll manage. Been there before." And then elegant female hands gently pushed him onto the bed, not even letting him take off his uniform.

— That's so... exciting," Lena whispered hotly in his ear, — that's so manly. The senior lieutenant squeezed his eyes shut and prepared for adventure.

— Give me a present, give me a present," his chance acquaintance whined.

— What kind?" the policeman was surprised. After listening to the girl's confused speech, accompanied by theatrical wringing of hands and a pleading look into his eyes, Sidorov thought he had never seen or heard anything more absurd in his life. But... a woman's wish is law, and, sighing heavily, the senior lieutenant began to undress.

— Maybe we should take the bullets out after all?" he asked Lenochka hopefully. She shook her head negatively, indicating that the bullets were precisely the best part.

— It could go off at the most inopportune moment," he tried to persuade her. After a brief lecture on firearm safety, Lenochka agreed that the bullets should indeed be removed.

In the middle of the bedroom stood a completely naked Senior Lieutenant Sidorov — the honor and pride of the district police department — but with a holster slung over his shoulder. The damn strap was rubbing his bare shoulders raw and hindering his movement. The pistol itself, a classic Makarov PM, was completely out of place in this situation, but the girl looked at it, barely concealing her admiration. Sidorov fully appreciated all the inconvenience of his position when he, damn it, started sweating. Which wasn't hard, given the furious temperament of his new acquaintance. The holster dug mercilessly into his wet skin and refused to budge even a millimeter, causing incredible suffering. The senior lieutenant quietly howled from a wild cocktail of feelings, among which arousal was not the main one. Lurking in the back of his mind was the gloomy thought that his shoulders would need treatment. But Lenochka was little concerned with this, and she deftly twisted beneath Sidorov, assuming the most seductive poses. Slipping off the thread, the cop flipped the girl over, firmly fixing the wanton woman in a doggy-style position. He sighed with relief and continued to enjoy himself.

And then... as in the most vile melodrama, the doorbell rang. Naturally, it was the husband, unexpectedly returned from a business trip. If it had been a neighbor asking for salt, even Sidorov would have been surprised. The sly Casanova instantly jumped off the bed and expertly rushed to get dressed. Lenochka feverishly threw on a robe and tried to put on a sleepy expression.

— Coming, dear," she called into the hallway, covering herself with a prolonged yawn. The senior lieutenant even managed to give her a peck on the neck before the winter air swallowed his trained body. Flying off the balcony and loudly cursing, Sidorov noted with a professional eye the disorder in his assigned area. Some character of clearly criminal appearance had persistently attached himself to an unfortunate old lady, a little old woman. The scoundrel was trying to snatch the old woman's bag and, it seemed, was even threatening her with a knife. The old woman wouldn't give up the bag, was crying, and suddenly cried out in a shrill voice:

— Poli-i-i-ice! From the height of the third floor, the body of a police lieutenant, with one sock hidden in his pocket, landed accurately in a snowdrift. The senior lieutenant assessed the situation and immediately showed the persistent criminal his most splendid blow: a straight uppercut to the torso, sending him into ringing darkness.

— Who are you, dearie?" the old woman gasped. Sidorov shook himself off like a dog, adjusted his hat and holster, and barked his signature line: — Police, citizen. Responding to a call.

— Archangel and all holy saints," the victim of the robbery crossed herself finely, — how quickly you appeared. Miracles, and nothing else.

Opening the door, Lenochka immediately clung to her husband's cold chicken breast.

— I missed you so much, missed you so much," she purred, hoping he would believe her. But apparently, suspicions of marital infidelity had arisen in the unfortunate man before, as, shoving his wife into a corner, he immediately headed for the bedroom. And the first thing he saw in the marital nest was a single, clearly foreign sock, lying forlornly on the carpet.

— I'll find that bastard," the "nerd" in thick bifocal glasses whispered with a hiss of anger and rushed to the balcony. The first thing he saw, peering into the darkness, was the valiant lieutenant of the native police force apprehending a perpetrator. Naturally, the perpetrator had emerged from the cuckold's balcony door and accidentally caught the eye of the law enforcement officer, whom he quite justifiably took for a thief. Driven by jealousy and a thirst for justice, Lenochka's husband took flight in the senior lieutenant's footsteps from the third floor into the snowdrift. He quickly got up and rushed to help the policeman, intending in the heat of the fight to avenge his desecrated honor. He swung his leg, and... slipped. The leg passed tangentially to the perpetrator and with a mesmerizing sound connected with Sidorov's forehead. Sinking into a deep faint, the senior lieutenant thought: "Didn't work out. They figured it out after all."

The perpetrator, who had come to from the sudden change of scenery, unexpectedly revived and matured to respond to his opponent worthily. Before his eyes, unclouded by excess conscience, stood a scrawny, short "nerd" in bifocal glasses. The inattentive type didn't notice Sidorov lying unconscious. — Oh, you damn defender, I'll kill you now," he confided soulfully to his unserious opponent. The hapless husband didn't even have time to understand why he was being treated this way when he was in the right, before he fell into a quiet faint next to the lieutenant. Where the robber with a dubious past and future sent him. The silence that had settled around was suddenly torn by a piercing female scream at an impossibly high pitch. The robber looked up, trying to locate the source of the ultrasound, but saw only a pot of sauerkraut rapidly approaching his head. Which Lenochka had accurately sent from the balcony, trying to provide feasible assistance to her lawful husband. As a result of this treacherous attack, the criminal landed like a quiet hang glider next to Sidorov and Lenochka's husband. The next body to adorn the snow-covered sidewalk was the scrawny old woman who had been standing frozen like a post. Fragile elderly health couldn't withstand such an amount of testosterone around, and the grandmother suddenly saw that she was left alone in the middle of the street, surrounded by three corpses.