Pure English version of assistance
After traveling abroad through European countries, you realize that England, or as they call it themselves—Great Britain, is nothing other than a land of contrasts. Magnificent industry, a strong currency, the adoption of everything new, and yet—the customs of good old England.
The thing is, some customs of good old England have not lost their significance to this day, as paradoxical as that may be! One such custom is still alive, and what's more, it is backed by a law from 1672—a law by which any married couple, living together for four years and having no children, has the full right to invite a "state husband." What is that? A man in the prime
of life, in state service, is invited to assist this family in such a difficult and delicate matter.As the hotel porter, where we stayed during our tour of London, told me, one such married couple decided to exercise their legal right. Somewhat upset by the specific nature of the moment, the husband, leaving for work, loudly reminded his wife in a fit of emotion that today the "SH"—state husband—was due to arrive, and therefore asked her to behave in the most highly moral manner, or at the very least—decently!
Well, man proposes… The thing is, by pure coincidence, the neighbor of this family, the father of a large brood, had invited a photographer to his home on the very same day to capture his numerous family—a family keepsake. And the photographer and the State Husband, hastily writing down addresses, mixed them up, so the photographer rang the doorbell of the childless family.
— Good day, madam! I'm here on call. I…
— Please, sir! For God's sake, no need for extra words! I know everything and understand everything!
— Did your husband say I should come today at this time?
— Alright, no need to sigh like that, it's not expensive at all, madam! But before we proceed with the matter, I would like to offer you all the options in which we can work. The most effective ones—standing, lying down, on the floor, or in the bathroom… Don't roll your eyes, madam, everything will be top-notch. I once photographed a movie star's child in a store window, well, it was for her advertisement, you understand…
And in the bathroom, the light reflects off the mirrors… It's so romantic! Shall we start in the bathroom?
— Alright!—undressing, the lady proceeded to the bathroom. Entering there and seeing a naked woman with a decent figure, the photographer swallowed his saliva, gasped… but the customer is always right!
— One moment, I'll just get the tripod. My equipment is so heavy that I need a tripod! You'll like my work!
Imagining this "equipment," the woman simply fainted, and the surprised photographer quickly left, completely bewildered!
At the same time, an elegant gentleman knocked on the door of the neighboring family. It was the real State Husband, and the mother of five children opened the door.
— I'm ready, sir! And what kind of lens do you have?
— Madam, you are the wittiest woman in London! I have a "long-focus," as you put it, "lens"! All the women have been very satisfied, I assure you!
— Well, alright, sir! But no less than 15 times and no fewer than six positions.
— Madam, more than three times I cannot manage! But six positions—by all means!
— Well, alright, let's get started! Let's go to the bathroom first, look around and see how to arrange ourselves.
They entered the bathroom, the State Husband closed the door and undressed professionally and quickly. Seeing the naked man, the lady fainted. But she was a sturdy woman—coming to in the arms of the naked man and getting a good look at him, she whispered softly in his ear:
— Tomorrow, at 12 o'clock, on the corner of Piccadilly. Here's my card, sir. I liked you! But no less than three times and no fewer than six positions! Otherwise… I'm a serious woman, sir!